No Clitoris Left Behind

Those crazy Raelians and their hair-brained get rich quick schemes *flicks wrist*. Clitoraid.

This Is Why God Invented Drugs

This saddens me...

Mr Methane

I had no idea... The things people get up to in this world!

Omg! Pluto is gone!

It musta been swallowed by Uranus.



BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

I can't resist.

*Cough* Well at least we officially only have 8 planets now. We need new rhymes for kids.

The Aiports' War On Moisture

This is a real website screenshot. Ryanair is a popular uber-cheap airline in the UK and Europe.

Cleaning Hunk Has Manly Friends!

The original cleaning hunk has been joined by two of his friends. And now you can even pick what costume the new dudes where... i like the construction worker :D

Words of the day

New words I just learnt:
emosexual
emorotic

HAHAHAHA

The Rocket Man

Saw Jason Mraz live in concert on Monday.

There was one guy who was throwing himself at Jason. He shouted out "I'm yours!" and "Let me bear your children!" One chick also threw her panties at him. She was obviously a slut.

Needless to say, Jason Mraz was freakin' incredible! It was just about worth standing on my feet for four hours, including an hour in line and another hour with a shitful support act. Plus someone smelt like urinal cakes...

His voice was just so pure and soaring. It was hard to believe it wasn't a prerecorded track that took a year of studio tweaking. Treat yourself and hear him live.

"Don't Tell Mum I Work On the Rigs, She Thinks I'm A Piano Player In A Whorehouse"

This is one of the funniest books I've read in a while, and all the more so because its true. Warning: This is not for the faint of heart. It's a biography of a guy with a very colourful life. It goes from rescuing his mate after being punched in the nuts by a legless russian soldier amputee, to masturbating monkeys, to explosive diarrhea. It's fascinating to know real people still have real adventures.

Manhunt

It's 3:16am. Went to a straight club tonight....

The men in the male model competition had totally hot bods. The guy brave enough to wear a speedo won, of course. Those men needed to give me a cuddle.

On the down side, who knew you could fit so many slappers in one place? I thought there was a law or something against that. In case they imploded, like a black hole, in a shower of vagina-revealing mini-skirts and fishnet stockings. When the density of mole-ness gets too great the laws of physics collapse and space and time fall in on themselves, in shock over the affront to good taste.

Pickle Tickle

This is so dumb. I guess American TV is into screwing with people.



(pretend that it's not fake, which it is, in my edumakated opinion.)

Turkey Slap

I just learnt what a turkey slap is. Apparently its where a dude slaps you in the head with his man- thing. Frankly I didn't think that made any sense. I thought it more apt if a turkey slap meant a whack with a guys ballbag. You know, because the nutsac hangs like the floppy bit an a turkey. Then the gay radio station mentioned going 'gobble, gobble'... then the term made sense.

Should I be concerned?

I started planning a boat party with a friend and all of sudden it became planning for a boat party orgy :-S. What the heck happened?!

oh deary...

Here's a tip: don't EVER let attraction to a cute friend overcome your good sense :(

Gym Camp

I was in my gay gym on the cross-trainer (which i call the camperciser cos it's so camp with your hands and feet wiggling like that) and watching Antiques Roadshow on the tv, and it occured to me how gay it all was. I love it! :D

My first radio appearance

I got to speak on the gay radio station last week and the lesbian host said i was the cuuuuutest support person at the station. Lesbians seem to find me pritty. She's the 3rd one to say so. Maybe I give off lesbian pheremones. *sniffs* Do I smell like flannel?

Living stones (no, not the kind on a man)

These livingstones are cool but I suspect I'm swayed by the hot man in a towel.

Calves and Rear Ends

I discovered strong calves are really good for standing on tippy toes so I can watch the stripper cop on the stage at the bar. Being short is a curse but all those calf raises really paid off. The stripper was a sexy hunk but he didnt show it all *dissapointed face*. This was a special event as one of the owners, a chick, was having a hens/bachlorette night.

Also, does seeing a hot stripper make up for dinging a BMW? I put a minor dent in an old BMW while parallel parking. The guy was lovely about it. Good thing we're all qweens :D

"Scientists discover blue ring around Uranus"

BWAHAHAHAHA.

Accidental Date With A Semi Porn Star

Yeah, I went on date with this guy who has done some amateur porn movies, like 3 so far and has 2 more to go on his contract. And like, I din realise it was supposed to be a date date. I thought we could just be friends. I think he wants to pork me. Or, more accurately, wants to be porked by me. He wants to go to the gym with me so he can perv on me and spot me and stuff. The slut :P

Lunacy has its benefits i suppose

"my penchant for surreptitiously reaching into my pants to cup my balls before picking up and replacing items of produce at the supermarket."

Photographic evidence

For what its worth here's evidence of my suffering for my body.

Also, while I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room bleeding from the head, another patient in the room decided to hit on my trainer. The bitch. He was all "oooooh, aren't you lucky to have someone so hot looking after you." And, "Why don't I accidentally fall down here so he can look after me." *Cue his pretend swoon.* The bitch.

If anyone is getting sex from my trainer cos of my injury, its gonna be ME.

I got bashed in the head with a barbell at the gym!

It was a tewwible tewwible accident! THREE STITCHES! Tho I'm telling everyone it was twenty stitches :P I was bleeding down my face and I threw up all over the gyms nice new carpet. The staff were lovely about it :D Plus I got to hold the hot trainers hand :D

Shiney Disco Balls

I'm going gay bowling tonight. I went a previous night but it got cancelled cos of Gay Pride March cos no one cept me turned up lol. Though I did get to meet Jamie, the blonde gay housemate from 2001 Big Brother. He's lovely in person and way skinner than he looks on tv.

Still... *thinks of gay qweens in bowling shoes and tossing bowling balls.* *shudder*

The wizard of...

Australia's lastest gold medal winner at the Winter Olympics is actually an American dot-com millionaire who joined the Aussie team because we don't make him train as much as the Americans. In otherwords, a fake Aussie. I'm noticing a pattern here in our Winter Olympic wins...

Still, Dale Begg-Smith sure is cute! And he's awfully driven for someone so young. And he has the tiniest lisp on the end of his sentences. I smell some gay... (yay!)

Pulling a Bradbury

Steven Bradbury is an Australian champion, after a fashion. He won a Winter Olympics 2002 Gold medal only because everyone else fell down. I've heard this called very Australian, and I agree. Though I'm not sure how to feel about that...

Damn doctors

WTF is it with doctors?! My doc said i could let him know if i had trouble pay his extra fee. So i mention it, and he gets mad at me! sheeeeesh! *grumps*

There was a nude porn photo shoot at my gym. Just the one guy in nekidness. Sadly he wasnt that cute or had that good a package.

Also, I can do 23 dips now :D

I think this is why technology was invented... um maybe not.

I just bought a super cool graphics tablet and I am writing this with a pen and the magical thing is turning it into text. Look at the other sophisticated things l can do with this:

omg omg omg *faffs hands*

It's sooooo exciting. I've just been invited to be on a panel at Conflux, a big science fiction convention in Australia. Sir Arthur C Clarke and Ray Bradbury will be there! They dont get any bigger than that in the sci fi world. And I, as the winner of the European Space Agency's Clarke-Bradbury Short Story Competition have been invited along. Aint that fab! *points at me* famous author ;)

Canuck awucka! - LINK FIXED!!

This is hilarious! A Canadian report about American plans to invade the Canucks.

"I'm sure Winnipeggers will stand up tall in defense of our country," Mayor Katz said later. "We have many, many weapons."

What kind of weapons?

"We have peashooters, slingshots and snowballs," he said, laughing.